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Gaining a sense of myself. By Yas

Hi! I’m Yas. First let me tell you a little about myself and my background. I’m a recent graduate from Leeds Arts University! Definitely scary to graduate. Yikes. I’m obsessed with gaining new hobbies, my current ones are writing to a penpal, keyboard and sewing! I am also an artist. It took me a while to feel okay to call myself that! I love creativity, especially painting. It’s something I find myself craving everyday. A form to express myself. My sense of belonging.

I struggled with consistency in my life. Not in the way of habits or plans, but identifying friends and relationships that would stay with me. I wasn’t scared of abandonment, but painting gave my emotions time to remain the same. Nothing unpredictable, just peaceful. You can follow me on Instagram @fineart_mcm where I also post some of my art and behind-the-scenes!

Scottish Borders by Yaz

I have experience of being in the foster system. At the age of eleven, I was taken into care. It took me a while to fully process what had happened. To understand why things in life work out the way they do. I blamed myself for a long time. Even though I was only a child myself, I felt it was my responsibility to take on a parent role to my siblings. It took me years to learn to sleep alone comfortably without my little brother. I am extremely lucky to have the family I do today. I am estranged. I don’t talk to my biological parents. This is something I’ve decided for myself. However, after being placed under a guardianship order, I have the most wonderful parents now! They’ve given me so much, and throughout the years, we’ve all worked towards the relationship we have today. I am so grateful for how everything worked out. I am so lucky, that at eighteen, I changed my second name to theirs. Foster care for me was a chance of a new beginning.

Wales/Cymru by Yaz

Throughout my time at university, there were lots of ups and downs, I still carried a lot of that guilt and anger towards my experiences. During the third year, I finally felt like I had begun to understand how to live, although nobody really knows what they’re doing. I stopped comparing myself to others, and expressed my bottled up emotions through painting. I found joy and talent for oil paints. Painting for myself and not to meet other people’s expectations. I brought the quiet nostalgia of landscapes into my practice. Now I truly feel content.

Grazing by Yaz

In the previous years of university, I was scared to take part in anything like ‘All of Us’. I felt I would be judged. However, I am so happy that in my third year I took a leap of faith, and found this community and joined the local Leeds group. I initially thought I wouldn’t gain anything from it, but I’ve made the most wonderful close friend. Alongside, this I’ve had the opportunity to meet other students across Leeds*. People who share some knowledge and understanding of my life. It’s a community that I didn’t realise I needed.

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There are several advocacy and support lines out there for care experienced and estranged students.

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