How to not crash out + slay as a neurodivergent care experienced and estranged student MASTERDOC :P. By Ria

Hi everyone, I’m Ria! I used to write the All of Us newsletter (before Ash took over) and I made the crazy edits on the All of Us Instagram as a Community Catalyst 😛 I’m addicted to strawberries, cartoons and reading YA fantasy HAHA. You can also find me on YouTube: @riaisslaying, Instagram: @ria_kaur_gill and LinkedIn: Ria Kaur Gill. I’ve even released a track on Spotify: Strawbaddie (and my song, AuDHD Baddies, fits the theme of this blog).

This is my ~amazing guide~ on how to not crash out as a neurodivergent and ce/e (care experienced/estranged) student. It is basically all the things I scream at myself! So lock in:
audhd intersects with ce/e…

99% of ce/e people I’ve met have been neurodivergent, and Ira says this is reflected in the All of Us community as a whole. So, we can infer there’s some sort of link here…
having audhd on it’s own is challenging… so this intersecting together with being ce/e can provide an either larger crashout – I’ll give you my tips to slay despite this later on…
however, you also have so many more advantages! You think literally, you’re resilient, you’re independent and you know if you can survive through this u can survive through anything
You’re actually interesting and unique, unlike the neurotypicals xoxo (legally, I’m joking) – you can have hyperfocus though and be insanely imaginative, or know an insane amount of cool animal facts.
You are honest and will say the things that need to be said and are so sweet, making you a great friend!

Discrimination and poor treatment as an audhd and/or ce/e person

I have chosen to tell less non-ce/e people I am ce/e unless I know them 100% properly! This is because stupid people have stupid assumptions. But I decided to tell people I was ce/e in my second year as I wanted them to stop asking stupid questions about my parents and be nicer
Instead of this, they had some crazy assumptions:

✨ ria is EvIL cos of her troubled background MUAHAHAHAH ✨
💙 ria is estranged because she has some minor beef with her fam 💙
✨ ria is estranged cos she’s Indian and gay (it’s reductive to assume everything is because of my identity, when it has nothing to do with that) ✨
💙 ria is used to being treated like trash so I’m gonna treat her bad, she’s used to it 💙

if they’re gonna see me as a conniving care kid, then i’ll be that and enter my villain era. for women, being evil means having boundaries and dropping OPS rather than giving chances.
so, i’m gonna be so evil MUAHHAHA.
people will see you sparkling in your authenticity and try to dull your confidence and brash outspokeness of being an audhd baddie. do not let them. instead, distance urself from any OP – instead spend time in solitude and with people who uplift you. Find your true community!
people always say make a list of standards for your future relationship, but you should also do the same for friends or acquaintances. the way neurodivergent ppl love is so wholesome and we have such a unique energy – don’t just give that to anyone!

How to NOT crash out and SLAY: my words of wisdommm

if someone is being an OP, they’re a flop, so just drop and block xoxo
do NOT sacrifice your own comfort for others, especially when others are so okay with making you uncomfortable!
You’re legally single until you’re married – so stop sacrificing your entire life for a man! the only thing you should be sacrificing your life for is Pakistan (pls get my reference) #zindabaddies #brownandbad #manlikeria
if ppl threaten to kill or harm themselves to you PLEASE DROP THEM
join to audhd waiting list and get DSA nowww
LOCK IN TO YOUR DEGREE! Relationships can be temporary but your education is forever! You are building it for future you
Invest the energy you’d use crashing out into your goals
Remember this motto: “if you take me for granted, you don’t deserve me”, don’t keep explaining your worth, your absence will say it louder

that’s it for now! keep slaying diva xoxo

Get Involved & Get Supported

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Specific to this Blog

Disabled Students’ Allowance (DSA) is support to cover the study-related costs you have because of a mental health problem, long-term illness or any other disability. You do not need to pay back DSA. You CAN apply whilst already studying, get in touch with your Student Advice Centre at your HE institution. Read the guide on Compare the Market.

There are several advocacy and support lines out there for care experienced and estranged students.

In Wales/Cymru: CE support is from Voices from Care Cymru advocacy line online or at 02920 451431.
In Scotland/Alba: CE support is from Who Cares? Scotland online or at 0330 107 7540.
In Northern Ireland: CE support is from VOYPIC online or at 028 9024 4888.
In England: CE support is from the Care Advice Line (Become) at 0800 023 2033, via WhatsApp at 0786 003 4982, or by email at advice@becomecharity.org.uk. There is also Help at Hand (Children’s Commissioner) at 0800 528 0731 or emailing help.team@childrenscommissioner.gov.uk.
Together Estranged (TE) is a non-profit that supports and empowers estranged adult children.
Dunbar Project is a mental health organisation dedicated to addressing the adoptee mental health crisis.

Wider Support

The National Association for People Abused in Childhood (NAPAC) supports adult survivors of any form of childhood abuse, and offers both free helpline and email support.
UniAdvocates are trained Independent Advocates who listen to a student’s concerns, explain options available to them, and facilitate action. Request a UniAdvocate online or contact them at student@adventadvocacy.co.uk or call their office on 01325 776 554.
The Mix general and specific for young people aged 16-25, and they also have peer support from other young people in The Mix Community.
Citizens Advice support, which is available across all four nations of the UK, and can be online, in-person or over the phone.
Money Helper has some guidance on financial abuse: spotting the signs and leaving safely.