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“Oh, you’re estranged? That’s…unfortunate…”  By Asmitta

Hi! I’m Asmitta. I’m a second-year Biomedical Sciences student and I am estranged. I’m a fan of a bit of everything depending on which season of life I’m in. Right now, I’m into community and conversations with people with different stories to my own. And also chocolate. Very into chocolate (yummy).

If you’re care experienced and/or estranged, you may be able to relate to comments like these at uni from other students:
“What?? You don’t go back to your family??? That’s crazyyyyy”
“Oh, tell me about it! I’m an outcast too hahahahaha” (*but then walks into the kitchen with their family a week later*)

I remember when I started university and was met all those stereotypical questions and comments. These were “normal” for most people, but slightly awkward for an estranged person to answer. Things like – “what’s your family like?” and “how often do you go home?”


Finding a like-minded community at university was challenging, to say the least. Whilst everyone does have their own path, most of my peers appeared to come from more “comfort”. Many went back to see family every week, every month and/or over Christmas. And yet I was here, all by my myself, trying to figure out things they never had to bat an eyelid to. Things like- would I be able to keep a roof over my head? What if I fall ill? How do I balance a course with my difficult history? All whilst my course mates could go out partying so effortlessly during fresher’s week. Clearly, we weren’t facing the same set of challenges.


About sixth months into starting university, I finally met a fellow estranged student through All of Us. It was the first time I didn’t feel so “different “- I had found a place that I felt I belonged to. In fact, All of Us was the only place that felt like a “home” for some time. It was a group of people who just “got” me. We were able to uplift and support each other based on similar hardships and understandings. Brilliant.


My gratitude to communities like this one is immense. There is so much strength and resilience to be found in these rooms. However, “fitting in” at university as an estranged person is still a real problem. I still have so much more to worry about than my peers. People often don’t know how to receive the weight of my estrangement, or how to “help” me. Things can get pretty uncomfortable. I’ve also had staff who have tried to help, but ended up applying their own projections and assumptions onto me. Finding appropriate support and community can feel like a real minefield sometimes.


If you’re struggling with the loneliness that comes with being care experienced and/or estranged whilst being at university, here are some tips that have supported me on my journey:

Get Involved & Get Supported

Want to write your own blog? Submit a pitch here at https://bit.ly/AoUBlogPitch.

There are several advocacy and support lines out there for care experienced and estranged students.