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Self-Advocacy: A Guide for Estranged & Care-Experienced Students. By Ria

Hello, my name is Ria and You’ll know me from the All of Us newsletter and socials! I wrote this blog about the importance of self advocacy as a care experienced or estranged student because it is something nobody is really talking about. As students, we deserve safe and fair treatment – and an equal access to education as our peers have.

This part of the blog details several estranged or care experienced students’ personal reflections on issues they’ve had and told me about. I also include info about if they advocated for themselves, and how. If you’re just looking for advice, scroll further down now.
 
A student’s University didn’t give them a bursary they were eligible for as a CEES due to an error at their University’s end. It was distressing for this student, as they saw their peers receive support that they were also entitled to, yet didn’t receive. After a year of escalating complaints and nearly all the University staff telling said student to stop trying as they ‘weren’t eligible’, the student finally received their bursary. As they have now received this support, the student is doing a lot better mentally and can now focus on their education, rather than basic survival needs.
 
It’s been reported to me by another student that their University has doxed them to their parents twice, despite them being known as estranged. The students explicitly told their University’s Security Team, Wellbeing Team, and Accommodation Team not to contact their personal Gmail due to the helicopter parents having access. Despite confirmation from all three teams, they doxed the student – sending her Summer Accommodation details to her parents. They have not received any accountability response. Then, when she booked her Accommodation for next year, and checked with all three teams again and received verbal and written confirmation, they still doxed her and again did not apologise when called out. She is currently making a formal complaint.
 
Parts of social services are ghosting, airing and just mistreating students. A student confirms to me that they were completely ignored by social services at age 17 and had to fend for themselves. They submitted a complaint to their council several years later, but were denied any support. The student says that they’d like to escalate the complaint, but it would take too much of a mental toll for now, but they’re open to complaining later.
 

 
Well, what can we do about it?
 
Mental Health and Self-Advocacy
Self-advocacy can be cathartic as estranged and care experienced students are so often silenced. When I advocate for myself, it often feels great as I am standing up for myself when I’ve been mistreated in the past. It also shows my self-love and self-respect. Your body and mind remembers that you stood up for yourself, and not suppressing anger and mistreatment is much better for your mental and physical health long-term (see more here).
However, having self-love and self-respect can also lead to you making the decision to not stick up for yourself in the moment, and that is okay too. It can be very mentally taxing and take your energy away, which you could be using to focus and excel in your current goals! This is why reaching out for external help can also be very important. I’ve included some links below…

Self-Advocacy and Physical Health
Stress manifests itself in your body. Insomnia, ‘dandruff’, low energy, etc, can all spawn in your life when you’re constantly having to push back against injustice. Here’s our master plan on how we are going to keep you physically healthy, whether you try to advocate for yourself or not:
Eat regularly and nutritious meals (even if it’s eating a singular banana or apple a day, even when you’re stressed).
Go to the gym and start your muscle mommy era. Even a 30-minute walk can change your mental health.
Rest!!! If you are stressed about not sleeping, just make the focus resting rather than sleep.
 
Destroy Them with Facts and Logic
Save all emails, screenshots, and letters. Create Notion documents if you’re a Notion warrior like me.
Use policy, law, or a statement from an official in your responses. A great method is to threaten to contact the Ombudsman who most applies to your complaint and your MP if your desired resolution doesn’t occur. I’ve also lied that I am an influencer and said I’d expose them to my ‘large following’ and this actually work LOL.
Stay calm and professional, show emotion and campaign for yourself, but don’t be overly rude or swear (do that in your journal instead xoxo).
 
Limiting Beliefs, Who Is She?
One of the biggest self-advocacy lessons I’ve learned: don’t adopt some npc’s limiting beliefs.
I was told by people that because of my trauma, my life would flop, and I’d have no one.
The belief that traumatised people will end up as flops is perpetuated by those who aren’t strong enough to overcome our challenges. They are putting their loser beliefs on us. This has also happened with people telling me not to pursue certain career paths due to their hyper-competitive nature. I did it anyway, and I not only got but also excelled in said jobs.

Key takeaway: Do what’s best for you.
 
If you don’t stick up for yourself in a situation, make sure it’s because it’s best for your wellbeing, not because some loser told you advocacy is futile (which is false xoxo).
 
Helplines to Battle Local Authorities, Universities, etc.
If you’re comfortable, do get your Student Union/Guild/Association involved as they exist to fight for you and your rights! They may have an independent advice service or on-campus centre.

 
Final Thoughts
To conclude, you’re a baddie, and you know what’s best for you. You can consult your support network, if you have built one, for advice on whether to advocate or not. Choose yourself #selflove #selfrespect.
You got this guys, from Ria :))

There are several advocacy and support lines out there for care experienced and estranged students.