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Forward to the Future: My Aspirations. By Pai

Hi, my name is Pai. I am from the northeast, but I’m also half Thai. I am a second-year student studying textiles at the University of Edinburgh, and I love old music, dyeing my hair and charity shops. I get so lucky at finding bargains!

I want to talk about where my journey began, as it is a little more unusual. I ‘put myself’ into foster care and so I would say I’ve always been quite independent… if you can put it that way. I always knew what was good for me and my future. When I was at school, I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to do or be but I knew I loved being creative. I chose art and textiles for my GCSEs and it involved a lot of sketchbooks! From that, I decided I really loved textiles: the sewing and the ideation of it.

After college I decided to follow my interests of fashion and textiles and when I started applying for universities I decided on Edinburgh, as it felt like it could become my home.

In my first year of uni I really struggled with opening up about the fact I was care experienced and I just kept telling people “oh yeah my grandparents took me up” or any other excuse I could to not share it. It wasn’t as if I was embarrassed but personally, I had always hated it in school when people would say they were ‘sorry’ whenever I shared my background, because you don’t need to pity me. I feel it puts care experienced children and their achievements on a lower standard.

However, at uni I knew that this was a new place where no one knew what my version of family looked like, and it felt like I had to start all over again and share my life again. Slowly I did get over this fear and I started talking about being care experienced to the people who I got close with and it was all okay. This is where I formed a really amazing friendship group. These friends never felt bad for me just because I was in care and I knew that it was a safe space to share more about myself.

I realised I met so many different people with lots of different versions of their family. Mine didn’t really seem like it had to be secretive anymore, and I became confident in how my real life actually looks.

Thinking about where I am now, I can understand the way I felt in first year, and I wish I could tell her things get better. I should be so proud I made it to university in the first place. I have a lovely friendship group now who know the real me and I live in a flat with my best friends who make me laugh and make me feel listened and validated about my feelings. My course is good as well, and I’m doing very fun projects and I love getting dressed up for University. Unfortunately my course has been cut for future applications, which is devastating because the Arts is so important for culture and society – but that just means I am proving that textiles is more important than ever and apart of everything that you do in life.

In the future, where I want to go next… maybe I will start my own little business or work with a knit company. I know I want to be in the creative industry, and I am putting my all into my work ethic to know that, as a care-experienced student, I will not repeat the cycle. My future is about putting myself first wherever I may end up. I know that just because I’m care-experienced does not make my future any less advantaged, and I hope the readers know this too.

You have come this far; be proud!

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